Shrink-o-Matic

Hair is a topic of particular weight when it comes to neurotic issues. Hair styles, hair cuts, hair color, loss of hair, hair plugs, short versus long hair; it just doesn't end. You name it, there is a product, ad, store, and tons of money thrown into a multi-billion dollar industry of making people's hair look good. "Vanity: definitely my favorite sin," says the Devil, as played by Al Pacino in one of my favorite films, The Devil's Advocate. And personally, I'm no stranger to this particular sin, especially when it comes to hair.

So after much internal dialogue, I made a decision just the other day to cut off my long hair. But it seemed to give so many people such issues: "No, don’t do it! It’s long and soooo pretty!"..."You’ll regret it!"..."Oh, you’ll cry!"..."But it’s....LONG!"

But when my mind is made up, I stick to it. Kinda. By the time I made it to my stylist with a few hairstyle pictures in hand, I was having second thoughts. I had to keep telling myself, "It’ll grow back; it’s just hair. Let it go". Let it go, indeed! What a tall order that is! This has been a year of constantly struggling to "let go" of many things that don’t serve a purpose in my life anymore. Granted, my hair grows VERY slowly, so my hesitation is somewhat understandable. For instance, the last time I cut my hair from a very long look to a short bob was at the end of 2004, and it took my hair ’till nearly the end of 2007 to grow long again. But what’s long hair, anyhow? My long hair really was an excuse for me to be lazy: I’d often throw it back in a ponytail, a bun, or in a Pebbles Flinstone messy mop on top of my head. At the end of the day, the only time my long hair came in handy was when I was dancing a stripper pole (like, never), or when I was being wickedly sexy in bed (no comment ). But seeing that I spend MOST of my time working, socializing, or just being a regular non-stripper, non-sex kitten gal...the long hair was becoming more of a hassle to me than it was worth. So I took a deep breath and opted for an above-shoulder, layered cut.

As my stylist chopped off 6 inches of my long hair, I felt my heart flip-flop in my chest. Oh my god, am I making a mistake?! No turning back now! And the stylist cut away...snip, snip...snip. Three-quarters of the way, I had a change of heart: "You can stop cutting now". She looked at my reflection in the mirror as if I’m half nuts and said, "Um, I can’t leave it 3/4 of the way done. I have to finish cutting it now". I felt the tears burn the back of my eyes...oh no, I’d made a mistake. What was I to do? I decided to chit-chat with the stylist and distract myself. After an hour, when the cut was complete, I refused to look at myself in the mirror, afraid of my own reaction.

You have to understand: I have three years worth of memories attached to all that hair. But then again, I reasoned, I also have three years worth of negative energy attached to the same. Yes, this is house-cleaning for my energy and soul. This is a good thing. Embrace the change, I said to myself. Embrace the "new" me, and move forward...or, so I kept saying over and over.

After my hair was cut, colored, and styled...I looked at myself and you know what? I loved it! I felt lighter, as if unburdened by years of memories that made me sad. The hair that was gone was the same mass that embraced my shoulders and mopped up tears of the loneliest time in my life...many unhappy thoughts. It all needed to go. And just like that...I finally let it go.

It’s funny; hair is such an emotional thing. And as I get older, it gets harder and harder for me to embrace change. But whether it feels uncomfortable or not, change is the only constant in life...and it must be embraced as if your life depends on it. In a way, it does...because no one should live their life in a rut.

So goes the story of my new hair. And guess what? I’m learning to love it...a lot!

In today's dog eat dog world, I find it a great challenge to have faith in humankind. Everyone seems to be out for themselves; people, in general, seem to have lost all sense of ethics, morals, dignity, and loyalty. And yet, there are those days where you almost think...it hasn't all gone to hell.

I went to Starbucks this afternoon to get a drink...something tart, fruity, and not coffee based. A young man working there recommended the passion-flavored ice tea, which I've never tried at Starbucks. I was thirsty enough to plop down my $3.25 for an untested beverage but, before I could pay, he said, "Nah, don't worry about it. If you like it enough, you can pay for it the next time." I stood there a little confused. Then I was all, "Really?" Nice! You could have blown me over with a feather! How cool was that?

I realize it isn't a huge deal--we all get a freebie perk here and there, but when you have days where you really don't care for people..it's a treat when someone decides to look past your scowl and be kind--just because.

Of course, a Starbucks freebie isn't nearly enough to convince me that people aren't completely selfish and self-absorbed these days but, hey...it turns out I may not be completely convinced that everyone is rotten to the core, either.

Have you ever been seriously impatient with elevators? Why do we get that way? Whether we really want to go somewhere immediately or not, there's a common sense of entitlement when it comes to people and elevators.

This morning, I got on the elevator to visit the Human Resources office. I wasn't in a hurry. No one was waiting for me. I just wanted to pop in to ask a question. But the damnable elevator was not arriving, even though I'd called it maybe...oh, 30 seconds before. How dare it? I called it and it didn't come. The nerve!

After some foot tapping, some button mashing (as if that makes it come down faster, right?), and some sighing and huffing and puffing, the elevator arrived. But that wasn't enough, was it? Once I pressed the elevator floor button, I began pressing the "Close Door" button incessantly. Do you think the door closed? No. What's that button for anyway? To relieve anxiety and give us a sense of control? I honestly think the button does nothing. I've never yet had the door close when I press "Close Door". Is it just me?

Once I got up to the floor (finally!), I wandered about, even stopping briefly at the gift shop to see what's what. Some mad rush I was in, eh? But where does the pressure to "get there NOW" come from with elevators? And don't anyone judge me. I've been on the elevators with some of you, and you're all no better. Yea...you know who are!

I'm getting ridiculous. Getting? I AM ridiculous. I've surpassed ridiculous. I'm so on the other side of ridiculous, I believe I've gone around full circle and come out this side of normal. Where does that leave me? One and a half years have gone by since I've last posted here. Where was I? Was I blog-less all this time? Actually, I've posted blogs through several different services, but I just couldn't really commit to one blogging service. Eventually, I forgot where this particular blog was located, and with a half-hearted attempt to locate it, I gave up soon enough and signed up with some other service. On and on and on. Sounds rather like serial dating, doesn't it?

Actually, commitment phobia is more like it--I can't commit to a blog! I don't know which one I love best, or which one will provide me with ever-lasting happiness, security, comfort, and yet an occasional pleasant surprise or two. What if I make the wrong decision and stick to ONE blog? Will I be happy? Will I miss out on some other blogging opportunity? Is my blogging service the "One" for me, or am I settling? Can I go back to a blog I've left behind for so long and still find enough satisfaction in it to re-ignite the connection? Can it work? Or should I create my own blog on my own website? Is this, perhaps, a case of a Blog Pygmalion and Galatea? How do I find the "perfect" blogging service? The search goes on...

Where did the time go already?

I'm not even about to discuss all that's happened over the past 348 days; who needs to re-live some of those moments? Not me. I've grown a lot as a result, met some amazing people, and have come away with some fantastic friends. Looking at it that way, it's not all bad, huh? Not all bad, no.

Needless to say, I'm a new person, in a new year, with new options ahead. Options are always good things. I mean, sometimes it feels like options are good things, and sometimes, I don't want the options. Why? Because then I'll have to make a decision, and decision-making is a difficult task...what if I make the wrong decision? What if I'm overlooking more decisions? What if this decision is irreversible? What if, what if, and what if...the list could go on.

But, the truth is, my options are here and well, I have to take them. Sometimes, when you don't even want to make decisions for yourself, life will do it for you. So looking at it from that perspective, you think, "Hey, I think I'd rather make the wrong decision here instead of allowing the Universe to do it for me." Although, frankly, I can't say I haven't sat around at times and waited for the Universe to do exactly that, you know? A new year, a new life, a new me. Wonder what the future holds.

Ooh, one of my favorite game shows is on, "What's My Line?" It's a smart, cool show. Hard to believe everyone on the show is no longer living...weird to watch shows from the days of yore and realize that wow, once upon a time these people existed and now they no longer do. That makes me think of my own life, the fragility of life and how you should live each day to the fullest. Life is so fleeting...it's weird. Oh, John Daly is not hosting tonight's show? Too bad! I like him. Arlene Francis is a smart cookie and has a fabulously sultry voice. Or had, I suppose. I was reading about the conspiracy theory surrounding the weird circumstances of Dorothy Killgallen's death around the JFK fiasco.

What a strange time that was and still a very scary one. Everything surrounding that time is still in the shadows...I also read that the Warren Commission Report is sealed until the year 2039. Did I get that right? Is it the Warren Commission Report? Yeah, here we go: Warren Commission Report

How ridiculous to do that! The public has a right to know!! And how can such a decision be upheld in the court of law? How many years is that...another 34? I'll be..omg, twice my own age! That's old. Which brings me full-circle..the fleeting nature of life. Live life to the fullest...every day. If only I could make the decision to do just that....

After much hoopla, I've decided it's time I joined the ranks of worldwide bloggers who apparently have a great deal to say. I figured, I have a lot to say, so better sooner than later.

Looking at the beige blankness in front of me, I have to wonder why it is that I suddenly have little to share. I always have such a lot to say that a two-way conversation feels like an over-rated waste of time. Here's a thought: just be quiet and let me do the talking. How about a monologue, please? Just shut up and listen to me! To ME! But keep sitting there, pretending we are in a conversation, because as long as I have an audience, we can still call this a conversation. And when all else fails, you can get up and leave, thank you very much. Off with you. I don't need you here anymore.

You know what I mean? Do you ever feel like you just aren't being listened to or that no one heard what you just said? Why does everyone think what they have to say is more important than the thoughts of the person they're communicating with? Why must everyone have the last word in everything? If everyone wants to have the last word, how do you know when the conversation has ended? If someone has the final say and the other fails to respond for a few seconds, does that mean they gave up on having the final say? Is there a hard and fast rule on the last word? Hey, let's make up a rule right now! Let's call it the "8-second" rule. Anyone who forfeits their turn in a conversation in 8 or more seconds by saying nothing gives up on the last word.

Hah! Too late. You waited too long. I just had the last word.

The last word. It's all about the last word. That really ticks me off.