Shrink-o-Matic

There must be a case of "voluntary deafness" going around these days. Maybe it's a bug, a virus, or maybe it's just convenient. But I've noticed a trend of people not listening to or hearing what you have to say: "I don't remember that," they respond blankly, as though it's the first time they've heard you mention a certain point, even if you know for a fact that you've repeated yourself 10 other times and six ways from Sunday. "I remember the damned conversation," you might think to yourself in disbelief, "so why don't YOU?"

People may have always had a case of convenient deafness. What else would explain human history as we know it (divorces, shady politics, wars...)? Yet, I'd personally like to believe that there once existed a world where listening skills were a sign of class, dignity, and respect for self and others. In today's society, however, truly listening to one another has given way to yelling louder and louder in order to be heard. And even then, there are no guarantees that you'll be heard. People are no longer interested in listening. Communication is a "skill" nowadays, not a normal expectation we can have of an educated, sane adult (or perhaps sanity is the issue here? Hmm.) People just don't listen to one another and so much miscommunication occurs as a result...not only on a one-on-one, interpersonal level, but on a global level. Lately, when I talk to certain people who seem to be conveniently "deaf" to certain points I'm making, I feel like I'm channeling that Verizon guy when I hear myself say, "Can you hear me now?" I'm not talking about cell phone reception here, either.

Alejandro González Iñárritu based an entire Oscar-winning film, Babel, on this very concept. I finally watched the film last night for the first time, and the frustration that I felt at the ignorant decisions the characters made because of their inability to listen/hear one another nearly matched my own frustration from earlier that evening, when having a (repetitive) conversation with a person in my life who did not want to hear me. Grrrr.

What happens when you don't feel heard? What do you do? How do you react? Do you shut down? Do you yell, in order to feel heard or to get the attention/respect you think you deserve? Or do you let your feet do the talking...by walking away, leaving a job, a relationship, or a person behind, out of the sheer frustration and annoyance, if not downright anger, of feeling unheard? I've done all of the above and the relief I've felt in leaving the "conveniently deaf" people in my life behind has not been a decision I've regretted yet. And in turning my back and walking out the proverbial door of someone's life, I've heard the little voice in my head yell over my shoulder, "Can you hear me NOW?!"