Shrink-o-Matic

The Drama of Human Neuroses: When Every Little Thing Matters

Subscribe
Add to Technorati Favourites
Add to del.icio.us
Add to Technorati Favorites
Nov 27, 2007

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Posted by Bella

Hair is a topic of particular weight when it comes to neurotic issues. Hair styles, hair cuts, hair color, loss of hair, hair plugs, short versus long hair; it just doesn't end. You name it, there is a product, ad, store, and tons of money thrown into a multi-billion dollar industry of making people's hair look good. "Vanity: definitely my favorite sin," says the Devil, as played by Al Pacino in one of my favorite films, The Devil's Advocate. And personally, I'm no stranger to this particular sin, especially when it comes to hair.

So after much internal dialogue, I made a decision just the other day to cut off my long hair. But it seemed to give so many people such issues: "No, don’t do it! It’s long and soooo pretty!"..."You’ll regret it!"..."Oh, you’ll cry!"..."But it’s....LONG!"

But when my mind is made up, I stick to it. Kinda. By the time I made it to my stylist with a few hairstyle pictures in hand, I was having second thoughts. I had to keep telling myself, "It’ll grow back; it’s just hair. Let it go". Let it go, indeed! What a tall order that is! This has been a year of constantly struggling to "let go" of many things that don’t serve a purpose in my life anymore. Granted, my hair grows VERY slowly, so my hesitation is somewhat understandable. For instance, the last time I cut my hair from a very long look to a short bob was at the end of 2004, and it took my hair ’till nearly the end of 2007 to grow long again. But what’s long hair, anyhow? My long hair really was an excuse for me to be lazy: I’d often throw it back in a ponytail, a bun, or in a Pebbles Flinstone messy mop on top of my head. At the end of the day, the only time my long hair came in handy was when I was dancing a stripper pole (like, never), or when I was being wickedly sexy in bed (no comment ). But seeing that I spend MOST of my time working, socializing, or just being a regular non-stripper, non-sex kitten gal...the long hair was becoming more of a hassle to me than it was worth. So I took a deep breath and opted for an above-shoulder, layered cut.

As my stylist chopped off 6 inches of my long hair, I felt my heart flip-flop in my chest. Oh my god, am I making a mistake?! No turning back now! And the stylist cut away...snip, snip...snip. Three-quarters of the way, I had a change of heart: "You can stop cutting now". She looked at my reflection in the mirror as if I’m half nuts and said, "Um, I can’t leave it 3/4 of the way done. I have to finish cutting it now". I felt the tears burn the back of my eyes...oh no, I’d made a mistake. What was I to do? I decided to chit-chat with the stylist and distract myself. After an hour, when the cut was complete, I refused to look at myself in the mirror, afraid of my own reaction.

You have to understand: I have three years worth of memories attached to all that hair. But then again, I reasoned, I also have three years worth of negative energy attached to the same. Yes, this is house-cleaning for my energy and soul. This is a good thing. Embrace the change, I said to myself. Embrace the "new" me, and move forward...or, so I kept saying over and over.

After my hair was cut, colored, and styled...I looked at myself and you know what? I loved it! I felt lighter, as if unburdened by years of memories that made me sad. The hair that was gone was the same mass that embraced my shoulders and mopped up tears of the loneliest time in my life...many unhappy thoughts. It all needed to go. And just like that...I finally let it go.

It’s funny; hair is such an emotional thing. And as I get older, it gets harder and harder for me to embrace change. But whether it feels uncomfortable or not, change is the only constant in life...and it must be embraced as if your life depends on it. In a way, it does...because no one should live their life in a rut.

So goes the story of my new hair. And guess what? I’m learning to love it...a lot!