Shrink-o-Matic

The Drama of Human Neuroses: When Every Little Thing Matters

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Jan 5, 2008

Commitment phobia

Posted by Bella


My own neurotic fear of committing to regular blogging aside, fear of commitment or "commitment-phobia" itself is a topic that has long been at the forefront of my mind. What is commitment-phobia? Just Google the word and you'll see that the internet is chock full of information on this particular phenomenon of the last century. For as long as one looks back at history, men and women married, but the modern day "standard" (if we can call it that) of matrimony did not uphold. Where the Eastern part of the world had harems of women and boldly said, "This is how it's going to be," commitment and fidelity to that "One" person was mostly a Western world creation. But unless a man made a conscious decision to remain faithful to his wife, his partaking in the bevy of beauties in society "on the side" was not unheard of. Yes, the wife almost always knew about it and turned a blind-eye to his infidelities because he was her husband, her "lord and master," and whether she liked it or not, she was dependent on him for financial support. If she protested and angered him, where was she to go? In those times, the idea of a man being faithful to his wife was romantic, yes, but the actuality of it occurring was also a near anomaly. Men were men (sorry boys, truth hurts!), they had their "needs" and the wife had other "duties" to attend to besides wondering where her husband spent a few measly hours. Sometimes, she may have even been glad to have been spared his "attentions" and gladly born his absence as he searched for momentary earthly pleasures.


Fast forward to the mid-1800's, the pre-Women's Lib era, and the stay-at-home wife started to finally get the picture and object to the male-dominated society. Suddenly, it was no longer okay for men to tell women where and how to handle their private parts and reproductive organs (it wasn't that simple, but for the sake of being concise here..). Before anyone could say "cuckolded," women were also daring to run around and do what men had been doing for ages: do it like they do on the Discovery Channel - in other words, have affairs...free of the gilded cage of matrimony.

And somewhere between point A and point B, the idea that marriage and commitment means the death to freedom was born - not only for the ladies, but particularly for the gents, too. But men had it so good for so long! What are they so afraid of? Thing is, men aren't the only ones guilty of commitment-phobia. The modern woman is plenty squirrely about committing to relationships, and given their history, who can blame them? But in this day and age, one can't simply say, "Look at history!" since women and men don't have to date the opposite gender. Same-sex relationships, people! So where does commitment-phobia fit into that scenario, I ask you? Why is everyone running for the hills, wanting to be "free" and "unencumbered" of committed ties, only to lament the single life (à la Sex and the City) and sign up for online dating sites to find "The One"? Isn't that confusing? C'mon, y'all! That's a little neurotic. And the best part is, companies are making millions off of single men and women who can't seem to sit down long enough to reflect on who or what they're looking for in life; so they pay a convenient sum of $29.99 a month and instead hope someone will point them in the right direction for love, romance, and...oh yeah, commitment. After all, why take responsibility for our own life choices when we can pay someone else to do it for us?

That's progress for ya, eh? Good times.